Lampoons Christmas Vaca. at my house - Lateral-g Forums

Hdesign · #1 12-26-2006, 09:38 AM

Hope everyone had great day yesterday!

Overall we had a great time but I really can relate to Chevy Chase after the pre-dinner disasters. We hosted Christmas this year for the first time since we have a 17 month old daughter and didn't want to separate her from her toys. We were baking a spiral ham and attempting to deep fry a turkey outside. I had all the deep fryer gear lined up neatly and the oil measured perfectly all set to go. I was snugging the plastic fitting onto the propane take when it snapped in 2 pieces, rendering it useless! While frantically trying to scavenge parts from our grill to get the gas line to hook up our kitchen sink/garbage disposal unit clogged, leaving potato peels and acorn squash guts floating in a 4 inch puddle of greasy water. The dishes were piling up so high they had to be stored in the bathroom tub throughout dinner. So now we have a borrowed turkey fryer that's unusable, a turkey in our tub next to a pile of dishes and pans, a brand new sweater ruined by Drano splashing up on it while plunging the sink. Things were going great!

We had dinner, forgot about the huge mess, forgot about the broken fryer, had some laughs, exchanged gifts and realized we had accidentally thrown away my brother's gift card. Needless to say, I spend an hour digging through nasty trashbags to find it. Well, I finally found it and stepped right in the dogs water dish as I was running in the house. To top the whole night off, my wife was trying to wash all the dishes in the bathroom tub...yep, that got clogged too.

My wife and I went to bed at 8PM realizing that if we attempted to do anything else, it would most likely turn into a disaster. Funny thing was that we watched Lampoons Christmas Vacation ( a holiday favorite of mine) on Friday night. And to paraphrase a couple of my favorite lines from that movie, "Worse? How can it possibly get any worse? Take a look around you Ellen, We're at the threshhold of hell!......We're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny F***ing Kay! And when Santa squeezes his fat, wide a$$ down the chimeny, he's gonna see the jolliest bunch of a-holes this side of the nut house!"

Anyone else have any holiday nightmare stories?

**XcYZ** · #2 12-26-2006, 10:17 AM

Wow, damn, Ben. That has to about as bad as it can get.

ccracin · #3 12-26-2006, 10:22 AM

I second Ben's Wishes!!

I have to say our Holiday experience left something to be desired. We have 2 1/2 year old twin daughters and this is really the first Christmas where they are very excited. My wife and I couldn't wait for it to get here. I think I am now part owner in Toys R US!!!!

The story starts out about a week ago when my my oldest (by 16 minutes) got sick. As this usually goes about 2-3 days later the youngest get it. With only a couple days till Christmas my wife and I are crossing our fingers that we will be spared. The 23rd was crazy getting gifts arranged final grocery shopping, because we also were doing Christmas dinner for my family. My Mom and Dad came over that evening top deliver some presents and so my Dad and I could go over some things on our project. It got late so we dicieded to order in. During dinner I got "THAT" feeling. But, I just tried to put it out of my mind. I figured I'll use "The Force" and I'll be OK. I guess I'm no Luke Skywalker, around Mid-night all H*** broke loose! At 4am the 24th I was ready to die, it would have been more pleasant. Oh yea, while I was in one bathroom my wife was in the other. The girls were better and sleeping peacefully. By god's will alone I am convinced he saw fit to make my wife well by 8:00 am so that she could contend with the troops.

Christams eve for her family is huge and I had to miss it. My wife and the girls had a wonderful time. I however layed on the couch all day feeling very poor. Aroung 8:30pm the family got home from church and somehow the smiles on those two faces were excellent medicine. I started rejoining the living.

Christmas morning came and I could function, thank the lord. Somehow we havn't figured out how to get both families together in one place to celebrate. Here is the time line:
8:00 am presents at home.
9:00am breakfast (left dishes in sink)
9:30am Dress twins that want to play with new toys (Holy Crap)
10:00 am on the road to the in-laws
11:00am open presents at in-laws
Noon Lunch - I still could not eat. (Including cookies, cake, crackers, cheese, pie......IT ALMOST BROUGHT ME TO TEARS)
1:30pm Load up 1/3rd of Toys R Us (In a driving rain storm)
2:00pm Get coats and shoes on twins that want to play with new toys (Holy Crap Again)
2:30pm On the road again
3:20pm Unload 1/3rd of Toys R US
3:45pm time to start cooking (Luckily my parents made the Turkey)
4:00 - 5:30 Cooking while twins run wild with new toys
6:30pm the last 3rd of Toys R US is open from my parents
Enough is Enough
I now have a kitchen covered with dishes, a family room and living room filled with toys, and twins that do not want to go to bed.

To this point I still have only eaten a tiny bit of dinner in two days!

I said to my wife lets leave all this for tommorrow and lets watch Christmas Vacation it will be fitting. Surprisingly she agreed. I went over to the DVD rack and.............................Holy Sh***!!!!????t where is it? I searched and searched and now luck. So the house got cleaned I ate ate some cookies (A Matter of Principal) and went to bed. 11:00pm....

So I guess things worked out in the end, but it was a hard road and I am off the purchase a new copy of Vacation!!!!!(Again A Matter of Principal)

Sorry this was so long, but you should have been here!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All!!

Hdesign · #4 12-26-2006, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ccracin

......Christmas morning came and I could function, thank the lord. Somehow we havn't figured out how to get both families together in one place to celebrate. Here is the time line:
8:00 am presents at home.
9:00am breakfast (left dishes in sink)
9:30am Dress twins that want to play with new toys (Holy Crap)
10:00 am on the road to the in-laws
11:00am open presents at in-laws
Noon Lunch - I still could not eat. (Including cookies, cake, crackers, cheese, pie......IT ALMOST BROUGHT ME TO TEARS).....

mmmm.....pie.....

That sounds pretty rough Chad, nothing worse than having your gut doing backflips while all that great food is staring you in the face!

Sorry Scott, I put this in the wrong place...temporary cranial rectosis.

ccracin · #5 12-26-2006, 05:41 PM

Ben,

Never fear, I made up for missing the pie about an hour ago! I'm back in the game. Did you give the turkey a bubble bath? That must have been something. I sympathize.

Hdesign · #6 12-26-2006, 07:24 PM

It's sitting in the fridge right now. I have to order a new propane regulator and line from the manufacturer. Dick's Sporting Goods (where it was purchased) didn't have the parts, neither did Lowes or Home Depot. We need to get this bird cooked before the end of the week or it'll be wasted. Thank God we had the 20 lb ham, or everyone would've had to survive on appetizers and side dishes.

Nice job, I hope it was well worth the wait!