Fluid Power
01-26-2006, 12:37 PM
One of those email things....Some are pretty funny
A few little known facts about Mr. Norris:
Carlos Ray (Chuck) Norris, Jr. was born on May 10, 1940.
- Since May 10, 1940, roundhouse kick-related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- The Norris family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil
Armstrong.
- When Chuck was 16 he grew a third arm and kept it in a vault.
- During the 60's, Chuck Norris once drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
- It was the sight of Chuck Norris' naked body that drove Brian Wilson
insane.
- Chuck Norris named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.
- Chuck Norris ate a Rubik’s cube and crapped it out solved.
- Chuck Norris had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- For three weeks in 1998, Chuck Norris was ranked 18th in the AP College Football poll.
- Chuck Norris' excrement is used as currency in several South American countries.
- Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of three suns
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
- As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
- Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris.
-
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
- Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
- It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
A few little known facts about Mr. Norris:
Carlos Ray (Chuck) Norris, Jr. was born on May 10, 1940.
- Since May 10, 1940, roundhouse kick-related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- The Norris family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil
Armstrong.
- When Chuck was 16 he grew a third arm and kept it in a vault.
- During the 60's, Chuck Norris once drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
- It was the sight of Chuck Norris' naked body that drove Brian Wilson
insane.
- Chuck Norris named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.
- Chuck Norris ate a Rubik’s cube and crapped it out solved.
- Chuck Norris had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- For three weeks in 1998, Chuck Norris was ranked 18th in the AP College Football poll.
- Chuck Norris' excrement is used as currency in several South American countries.
- Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of three suns
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
- As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
- Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris.
-
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
- Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
- It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.